A brief ramble

I didn't get around to blogging yesterday, it was such a beautiful day and I was working. If you can call it working! I LOVE my job! Yesterday one of my clients wanted to go out to the beach, so that's what we did, we bought Latte's and cakes and sat on the beach for over an hour, feet playing in the shingle whilst we talked , ate and drank. Therapeuitic for client and for me!!

It was such a beautifully hot day so when I got home I decided it was time I got my Day bed assembled. I'd put up the gazebo the day before , so I just had to get the bed frame out of the shed and re assemble it and get the matress and all the cushions on it, it didn't take me long and soon I was able to make myself a cup of tea , grab my "Wicked" Jilly cooper and stretch myself out on the bed and read for an hour. How decadent is that!!

Update on the field next door. They were there again yesterday, there was lots of sawing and hammering going on. I cannot go and ask them as it would involve walking right through the field, through several gates none of which are the official footpath so I must just bide my time.
But when I walked Beth this morning I could see a dramatic change , a huge panel fence has gone up at the top of the field , this must be to make a clear boundery with the farmer next door. So there must be new owners and they are wanting to protect their investment! I wonder what will happen next, I hope some more horses move in. I'll let you know.

I'm absolutely exhausted today, I spent most of last night sitting in Gatwick Airport!
Evie had been to visit Sophie in Malaga, she was due back at Midnight last night, but she rang to say the plane was delayed by about 2 hours, I thought I'd be able to keep track of the flight on the internet, but all it said was Estimated time of arrival 01.10am, so I made my way to Gatwick, about 40 minutes drive and arrived at 1.30am, The board still said estimated arrival 01.10, that time had been and gone! So I sat and sat, I walked up to WH Smiths and got my Times for Friday, I read it cover to cover, at 2.45am I got some Hot chocolate, and still the plane estimate didn't change, then at 3.00am the notice changed to Expected arrrival time 03.12am, eventually the plane landed, another half hour went by and at last I got a call from Evie, she was waiting for luggage . 3.55am Evie comes through to masin hall.........at last!
We drive home and dawn is breaking, it was a strange sensation watching it get lighter and lighter as we drove home, I got disorientated and kept confusing which road i should be on! Home by 4.50am. Sleep at last! But not for long.....................6.15am Teasmade alarm goes off and day starts all over again!

Mind you, once I'd walked Beth and got Lucy to school I went back to bed listening to Radio London's Joanne Good and then Vanessa until 11.30am, I vaguely dozed , It was so hard to get up but i had a visit to make so had to make the effort.

Evie had had a lovely time with Sophie. Both Martin and Sophie are really well settled in Spain, they love their new life, Soph loves having the swimming pool to use each day and they have work and have made friends. I'm very happy for them.

Early to bed for me tonight!!

Memories and smells

The field next door is totally quiet today. The men have not come back. The only sign that they had been are a few extra posts in the ground and one of the stable doors is wide open. I know nothing more, but will keep you posted!!

Today I was thinking about smells and memories that drift through the mind when you smell a certain smell. It can catch you unawares, suddenly you get a vague scent of something in time gone by, it's hard to place but it jolts the brain and suddenly you are transported back to a time long ago and the memories come flooding back.

My nan has been dead for 30 years but her perfume lingers on, she used to use that cologne with the numbers 4711,(Thanks to Toady for remembering!),I just know the smell. My Nan suffered from most severe arthritis and diabetes and I only ever knew her as an old very disabled woman. She lived in a council bungalow in Worstead, that of the Woollen fame and more recently for the wonderful 3 day festivals every summer.

My mum, my sister and I used to visit my nan every Thursday, that was the only day the bus ran in that direction as it was market day in North Walsham. The bus went in the other direction on a Tuesday for the Stalham Sale each week.

My nan's home had such a wonderful array of smells that hit you as you entered the hallway, foody sort of smells wafted from the tiny kitchen, my uncle tried to boil a lobster one day and it climbed out of the pan and chased him and nan round the living room, in the end they couldn't cook it and gave it to a neighbour!

The bathroom smelt of bath salts and talcum powder, do you remember the old Bath crystals? They had such a distinctive smell and talcum powder smelling of rose petals. The bath salts were kept in an old Quality Street tin, with the woman and men dressed in Victorian clothes, you remember?

But my favourite smells were in nan's bedroom, her dressing table was full of little perfume bottles, that loose face powder that you use with the big brush and the darkest, reddest lip sticks, I used to love playing with those lip sticks, but they stained so much, my lips stayed red all day! Nan had a big double bed with a flowery, patch work quilt that she had made and a rag rug on the floor also made by her. At the side of her bed were her arm and leg splints, these had a strange plasticy smell and were very pink ,I was quite scared of them as they looked like real arms and legs just sitting there. Nan also had a jam jar with sugar lumps beside her bed, this was to help her with her diabetes, to stop her blacking out. I got very frightened when she blacked out but it was normal for her.

My sister and I used to love lunch times, nan would always make blancmange in separate dishes for us and she'd put a cherry on top. I never realised until I was older why her blancmange always tasted different to everyone elses, it was because she made it with sacccarine instead of sugar, because of her diabetes. I liked it like that and found the sugar way strange! We'd sit at nan's dining table, it was one of the big square tables that had pull out ends, she'd always have it covered with a dark chenille cloth.

Nan's garden was a jungle, no one ever cut the grass and there was a huge hill in the middle where someone had left a pile of soil and grass had grown over it. My sister & I loved playing "I'm the king of the castle" and pushing each other down the hill. We'd also search for Dodamens, that's snails for those who don't know Norfolk! My sister collected them and looked after them, we'd take them home on the bus in a box!

Another hilight of visiting nan was when the Corona man came, we never had him at our house, but he came to nan's road every Thursday so we'd take an empty bottle back and get our 3d and buy a new bottle for 9d. We both loved Red Cherry Corona best.

At 3pm we'd walk back up the street to catch the bus home, we loved visiting our nan,

However, when she came to live with us, things were not so good and life changed , but that is another story.

Being Nosey!

If Stan were here I'd be able to tell him, but he's not so I'm telling you instead!

There are people with trucks in the paddock next door! "So What!" I hear you say, Well it's means something is happening.

Nothing has happened for months and months. The Meadow next door has been quietly growing away and no body has taken any interest . Now suddenly there are men moving posts and something is going to happen. Just me being nosey, but I want to know what??

I'll take you back to September. There used to be 3 horses living together in the meadow, 2 in one section and one in the other. The one on his own was a big brute , bit of a bully, used to chase Beth and I through the field, he didn't get on with the other 2 horses so was always separate. I vaguely knew the woman who owned the field, she had a little girl, they used to go past on a trike, mum riding and pulling the child in one of those carriages, we'd say "hello" in passing but that was it. They had erected children 's play equipment at the top end of the field so the girl could play whilst the woman cleaned stables and groomed etc.

One day I was walking through the field on the Footpath and I could see a Big Party going on at the top end, lots of people, BBQ lots of laughing and a good time was being enjoyed.

A few days later the horses were gone, at first i thought she had just taken them to graze elsewhere because the long hot summer had made the grass die and there was no grazing left. But as the weeks went by I realised the horses were not coming back. Where had they gone? Where was the woman and the child? I still don't know.
The play equipment was removed. Some additional posts went up in the field and suddenly in December a "For Sale" sign went up for 6 acres and stabling yard. It wasn't up for long, we went to Florida for a week and when we returned the Sale sign had gone. I don't know if the field sold or not. Nothing happened and still nothing. I'd got used to the field being empty, I let Beth run around in it.

But now today there are people and something is about to happen. And I want to know what?
Nosey aren't I??

The Land of beginning again

On Friday out of the blue Stan's friend PT arrived. He does this intermittently, arriving unannounced on his way to collect his adult daughter and grandson to take back to Wales for a visit. PT is always very welcome and we always find a bed for him. He is after all Stan's oldest best friend. It broke Stan's heart when PT and his family decided to move from Sussex to Wales 3 years ago. Stan and PT had been inseparable for the past 30 years, originally working together, then later sharing a workshop doing cars together every weekend.

The photo is of Stan's Vitesse that he has had for 33 years, PT has a red one which he has had for same length of time!

Every Wednesday and Sunday evening they would meet and go down the pub. It is through PT and his wife JT that Stan and I got together. I have eluded to that story a few months back when I told the story of match making Tom & Mandy.

I met Stan as I was JT's bridesmaid and Stan was PT's Best man, once they were married PT was determined that Stan should get married too, so on New Years Eve of that same year after thri wedding, we were all at a party celebrating the New Year, when suddenly PT leaned across to Stan and said " Have you asked her to marry you yet?" To which he replied "No, not yet" and PT said "well are you going to?" and Stan said "Er, yes, I s'ppose so", then PT learnt over to me and said "Stan 's got something to say......" to which Stan shifted slightly in his seat, he was rather drunk and leant over to me and said " Er Well Will you marry me?". I was to say the least dumbfounded, but rather stupidly , as I should have given it a lot of thought said "Yes".

PT jumps up and shouts to the bar man, "These 2 have just got engaged!!", The Bar man hurried over with a bottle of Champagne, Then they started playing some music and wanted us to dance, and join in with some game.Suddenly Stan was gone.........................................................

You would have thought he could stay to celebrate his own engagement but no, it was all too much, he drove off into the night and didn't come back for several hours.

I was beside myself with worry, he'd been drinking and could have had an accident. But he did eventually come back and I wondered if it had all been a dreadful mistake. He wasn't ready to propose, he only did it because of PT. But in the cold light of day we talked it through and agreed it was what we both wanted. We married 13 months later, tried for Valentines day but had to make do with 21 February! It was a very small wedding because Stan couldn't face a big do with lots of people looking at him, so closest family and PT & JT that was all.

PT & JT are making a good life for themselves in Wales. Just a little plug for them: They are Spiritualists and they run a Ghost Investigation Team, there is a website www.ghostinvestigationteam.com , but they also now they have a little shop selling spiritual things, figurines of angels, fairy things, Native American things. The shop is in the grounds of a Retreat in the middle of Wales. Any of you Welsh Purple cooers heard of it? www.hafanycoed.com

"The Land of beginning again" It is a Retreat and Residential Awareness centre , where courses are run, but you can just visit to go to the Cafe and shops.

So PT turning up on Friday was a surprise but a great joy, PT & Stan were able to go out to the pub together like old times. Saturdays without PT have not the same feel for Stan, he does his cars but without the old enthusiasm that was there when he and PT did them together.

A touch of weeding and a few more memories.......

Yesterday was a good day, I was "at work" in the morning but this turned out to be very enjoyable because my client needed to go to Marks & Spencer and so I was able to spend the whole morning wandering around the huge M&S Superstore at Shoreham, there is a therapeutic element to this but at the same enjoyable! I was able to sit on sofas, test out reclining chairs! I rather liked a big Corner group, though my client fell for a beautiful small 2 seater "Love Sofa" !

"Watch out Stan," there may be changes afoot!

In the afternoon I was back at the hospital, all is going well and I have now had further fluid put in to my rapidly expanding boob. It is beginning to look quite good now! The Consultant only put 75mls in this time and it didn't hurt so much so I did not have the horrible uncomfortable feeling that I had last time. I go back again in 2 weeks for further expansion.

Today I have been very busy in the garden, I thought I would get a head start on the weeding, It'll take more than one session at 4 pm today to clear the weeds out of my garden! But I made a start this morning and then planted some new Azaleas and an hydranger , then got on with doing my hanging baskets. I must say the garden is looking quite good now.

At 11.30am my mind was thinking of my dear cousin in Peterborough. It was the funeral of her husband today, I wished I could have been with her but it was too complicated and I felt I was better staying here.

My Cousin, D, is my favourite cousin . When we were growing up as children , we became great friends. Her parents lived in Hull, but had a holiday bungalow in our Norfolk village, so they could come down nearly every holiday and for long spells in the summer. My Uncle and Aunt were both teachers.

D was about 2 years older than me, so she always took the lead and used to get me in to trouble. She befriended my best friend and we'd all do things together. Sometimes we'd take the canoe out and paddle down the river , sometimes it was the sailing boat, It was always quite traumatic sailing with my uncle , he used to get so cross if we did the wrong thing, lots of shouting and gesticulating would go on, and I'd get confused and hit my head on the boom, or more likely knock someone else! I preferred it when D & I went canoeing, we'd go for miles along to river to the broad.

Other times we'd go up the playing field and meet other people, I remember one day when my older counsin B was there, one of the boys in the village fancied her, I remember him dragging her behind the pavillion and kissing her, I remember her shouting and pushing him off, I remember we all laughed. Looking back I think he attacked her quite badly, but as an 11 year old I didn't understand, that he was in the wrong, forcing kisses on her.

We had 2 shops in the village, a Spar and a Mace. The Spar was a long thin shop with shelves down each side and a centre unit too, it was easy to go into the shop and not be seen. My cousin and my friend thought it very funy to go in and see what little item they could steal, a rubber, a pensil shapner, some sweets , I was horrified and got very upset about them doing this, but being the youngest they took no notice of me. They tried to make me steal something too, I went into the shop, but i was too nervous and my conscience too strong, I couldn't do it. Of course they laughed and teased me for not doing it. They tried to force me to take the rubber they had nicked but i didn't want that either.

Other times we'd play cards indoors if the weather was bad. I remember some strange form of Strip Poker, where we had to take of an item of clothing if we lost, we used to put on all sorts of extras to start with like necklaces and bracelets and hair ribbons, in order not to lose too badly, though I do have this horrid memory of me at about 10 years old standing in front of them in only my pants!!

When I was a little older I used to go with D back to stay at her house in Hull for parts of the summer, she was so much more sophisticated than me and she had loads of boyfriends. Sometimes we'd go to one of their houses and sit in their bedrooms listening to music, this felt so very grown up, I must have been 13 when she was 15/16. That year there was a party and I remember Auntie helping me to dress up , I wore a long Black maxi skirt with black halter neck top, I felt so excited to be going to a party with D's friends. It was a great evening, I don't think they realised I was only 13 , and a boy I didn't know snogged me!! The Animals "House of the Rising sun" was playing a lot, and Marc Bolan and David Cassidy.

We drifted apart as we grew up, meeting up only occasionally. D became a solicitor, living in London. And so today at the age of 48 D finds herself a widow, I feel so sad for her and her young daughter.

I have just come in from pulling up weeds in memorial. I hope that Blossom felt the comfort from all our vibes. The weeds have been well and truly dealt with, in one patch anyway, back to do more tomorrow.

I thought I'd finish with the Celtic prayer that I've mentioned before:

Circle me Lord

Keep protection near

and danger far

Circle me Lord

Keep hope within

keep doubt without

circle me Lord

Keep Light near

and darkness far

Circle me Lord

Keep peace within

Keep evil out.

A few memories .............

Do you have items of furniture in your house that you would like to be rid of but can't?

And "No" before you ask I'm not collecting to start up a Junk Shop!

Today is the 6th anniversary of Stan's dad's death, in the end he was glad to die, he had been alone for 10 years since Stan's mum died. He had prostate cancer and then had several strokes.

The event of mother in law's death was a dreadful shock and very untimely. Mother was only 66 and appeared to be in good health, she was a wonderful person and so good to me and the children. Thinking about our discussions yesterday she helped enormously in enabling me to go back to work . Her and father used to have Evie one day a week, instead of using the child minder all the time. They loved having her and used to spoil her lots. Then Sophie came along and when I went back to work after 6 months, I had to use a new child minder for 2 days but Mother and father started having Evie & Sophie for one day again.

I went back to work in Jan 91, Sophie learnt to walk in the April, watched and recorded on father's video recorder, wonderful footage of Evie dragging Sophie around on the floor, no wonder she was so determined to learn to walk early!!

In June 91 Mother and father went on an extended holiday to Australia. That was the last I saw of my dear Mother-in-law, she died suddenly of a heart block whilst staying with their good friend Shirley. I'll never forgot that day, I was at home when the telephone rang, it was father calling from Australia, the time lag made it difficult to comprehend but he told me Mother had died, he was trying not to cry and I took several moments to comprehend what he was telling me. After putting ther phone down I knew I had to tell Stan, I couldn't get him on the mobile so I drove the 15 miles to his workshop , tears falling down my face, but strangely numb, that kind of feeling of being outside your body and not really part of what is going on. Telling Stan was awful, he just broke down crying and shouting, "No, No No," . We spent to next few days in a state of shock with Stan's brother and family just waiting for father to come home and bring mother with him.

I had a strange premonition the day before that dreaded phone call, I was driving home from work, listening to the radio, in a world of my own, as I travelled the well worn route , when suddenly this voice came into my head, it said " Don't worry, I'm alright, all will be well" It gave me a jolt, and I didn't understand what it meant or who the message was from. I even told Stan that night, and he said he had a feeling a "Doom & Gloom" around him...........then the next day we heard to news. Any connection, what do you think? I believe it was mother telling me what was to happen and not wanting me to worry.

Easier said than done, losing Mother triggered my grief and depression, I blame it partly on Post natal depression but losing her probably triggered it more because she had been my rock, my own parents & family were so far away in Norfolk, and I relied on her and father. Father continued to be a great source of support but I had to support him and Stan through their grief too as well as bringing up the children.

Father could be quite difficult and demanding and he and Stan used to have words at times, "chalk and cheese" you could say. But Father was very generous and loved to buy things for the girls, he would visit every week and he would always have a little surprise, "What hand is it in ?" He would always ask , and keep swapping from hand to hand to confuse them, they used to laugh so much! He would come with me and the girls swimming, it was the only way I could take both of them and he enjoyed it too, it got him out of the house.

Father never really approved of the way Stan made his living through cars and felt he should have had an office job! If I was in need of something, say the freezer broke down , Father would buy it. Stan never saw the need for new things and wouldn't ever buy new furniture, so I've had to make do with secondhand everything. Lots of furniture came from Stan's Great Aunt, it wasn't as if it was nice antiques just old tat really, but whoobetide if anyone tried to discard things. Since Father died we inherited some rather nice pieces, a lovely old Dresser , father's desk and chair and Pine Kitchen tables and chairs, these I am happy to keep!

But for the first 5 years of our marriage I had to sleep on his Aunts old bed for years, it was broken down one side and we had to wedge an old paint tin under it to hold it up, the matress was lumpy and just so old and disgusting, Stan couldn't see the problem, he loved the bed! Eventually I saved enough money to buy a new bed for us and what a fuss he made when it was delivered! I doubt I'll ever get another new bed !!

Then there is Stan's Chair, His Reclining Leather chair that he sits in to watch TV, he has had it since 1979 and it looked beautiful when I first saw it but now the leather is all tattered and frayed and it has to be covered with a throw, but will he let me throw it out and get him a new one. HE WILL NOT. Stan was 50 last year I thought I'll buy him a new chair, but in the end I daren't because he'd not use it and the old one would still be there. He hates anything new. Clothes have to be bought and left lying around for some weeks before he will wear them, the older the better....................Strange man, nothing like his Dad, who would look so smart and care about what people thought, not Stan!! But he's happy and who am I to say what he should and shouldn't do!! But I would like a new Sofa soon...................some hope!!

A Fine Romance

Match making for rabbits or How to find a life partner for your bunny!

When Sophie was about 10, her older sister Eve was fully involved in Guinea pig breeding, it had started by accident, the vet wrongly sexed our first 2 guinea pigs and they bred and before we had time to separate them the female became pregnant again! Eve thought this was wonderful as it was a way for her to make money, she encouraged her friends to get their parents to buy the babies.

Anyway, Sophie felt left out and one day when we were visiting a local children' s farm she found the rabbits and became obsessed with wanting a rabbit. It was actually very embarrasssing because she started screaming and crying in the middle of the farm because I said "No", we were moving soon and i didn't want to have yet something else to worry about having to move. She carried on screaming and crying all day and all the way home. Oh how I hate it when children whine like that.

I'm not very good at saying "No" and sticking to it........so a few weeks later we are in the pet shop buying a rabbit... a very pretty female grey and white rabbit . Sophie called her Pepsi. She adored Pepsi and all was well. A few months later we have moved and were settling in to our new home. Sophie notices that Pepsi is pulling lots of her fur out and is getting rather irritable. Sophie says Pepsi needs company as she is lonely. We talked to the pet shop, they advised us that it would be hard to find a rabbit to share with her unless we had her spayed. 2 females would fight and obviously a male would mean disaster!

The other option was a castrated male,we made enquiries and found a rabbit rescue centre in East Sussex. They invited us to bring Pepsi along to meet and greet their rabbits and hopefully find a mate! So one spring Sunday afternoon we drove across to the Rabbit rescue centre . The woman in charge spent a bit of time with Pepsi and then put her in a pen and introduced one at a time a neutered male rabbit, we fell in love with a very handsome white lop but Pepsi was terrifed! They chased each other around and after a while seemed to like each other. So we did the necessary and brought this new white rabbit home , we named him Magic!

This was the beginning of a nightmare, because when we put the 2 rabbits in to Pepsi's cage, which is huge ( About 7 foot across)We had done all the correct things the woman had told us, cleaned the cage out totally , put Magic in first and so on. They just started to fight, there was fur flying everywhere. Sophie got very upset and so we separated them. We tried again the next day and the same thing happened, we tried them in the open grass run and they still fought. Magic went to one end and Pepsi to the other.

It was not a match made in heaven at all!

After a week of trying we were all for giving up and returning Magic to the centre. We rang her to ask for more advice . What she suggested surprised us all.......... She told us to put both rabbit in a confined space, travel box and go for a ride in the car and make it as bumpy and rough as possible!! Sounded very cruel........but in fact it worked............They went in the box as sworn enemies they came out as the best of friends!! The bumping around forges a relationship to build in adversity apparently! We put them back in the cage and they started to lick each other, cuddle up and now they have been inseparable for the last 6 years, well apart from when Pepsi made her bids for freedom but you've heard that story!

A few lines from me............

It's not been a good doggy day!

When I take beth for her walk in the mornings there are 2 ways of entering the paddock, one though our wood and the other along the road and up the side of the field. If we go through the wood , which we invariably do we make enough noise for the rabbits to run and hide and make their escape under the gate back into the safety of the wood, if we go the other way rabbits do not hear us and then get trapped in the field. This is what happened this morning, Baby rabbit in field Beth gives chase and catches, you've heard that story before. I've come to get used to it but still don't like it, especially when she is crunching on bones, yukky! But it also wastes valuable time, that I can ill afford in the morning when I have to get Lucy ready for school .

So by the time Beth has finished her breakfast there is no time for a long walk only a run around the field. Back home, took Lucy to school and then went off to see a client.

Three hours later I arrive home, I open the front door, strangely quiet, Beth usually runs to meet me, getting all excited. Where was she??

I walk to the foot of the stairs....................there she is, she creeps out , ears down, looking very sorry for her self................What has she done? I go around the upstairs rooms I cannot see anything amiss. Back downstairs, into the Sitting Room and there it is...........runny Poo on the carpet! No wonder she was looking so worried. Such a bad girl. I don't say anything I just clear it up, take her in the garden and give her the silent treatment. She skulks in the utility for a while, then I go and give her a pat, I can't be cross for long, she is in season ithink this upsets her tummy. Or was it the rabbit?

"Best made plans..........."

A month ago in those halcyon sunny days in April I rashly invited some family friends over for a lunchtime BBQ on Sunday 13 May. It seemed like an excellent idea! Our friends were all for it and promised to bring lovely marinated meats for us to BBQ. They were keen to see me but didn't want to over tire me so it was agreed they'd bring quite a bit of the food and all I'd have to do was let them get on with it! Seemed too good to be true!

As this last week progressed the weather forecast was getting gloomier and gloomier, so I knew in my heart of hearts that it was going to rain on Sunday.

But we don't give up easily, so Saturday you would have seen me cutting the grass, yes, I can use the mower now as long as Stan starts it. You may ask why couldn't he do it? Indeed, you may ask again! But anyway I did it, the garden was looking pretty good, the wisteria looks stunning, the rhodadendrons are beautiful and the azaleas are looking good too, (shame about the weeds inbetween! but they'll be gone on Friday when we have our Weeding memorial session!)

This morning I awoke to a dull day but it wasn't raining, so I was encouraged and looking forward to our friends coming for our BBQ. On my return from church I discovered that Stan had been busy he had erected a sort of metal shelter over the BBQ using huge old oil drums , a ladder and a strip of metal roofing sheet! He stood out there admiring his handy work. BUT then

It started to rain, but "never give up" we say, "What about our Dunkirk Spirit!"

We were deteremined to have our BBQ and at 12.30pm shape just as I was going to light the barbie, we had such a storm, thunder, lightening, heavy rain, the lot. Lucy got scared and said we mustn't go out as we might get struck by lightening with all that metal around the barbie.

So in the end we had to cook indoors, crowded in the kitchen. Our friends came and brought lovely marinated chicken and beef kebabs, done in a yoghurty , garlic dressing, very tasty it was too. Followed by yummy Sherry trifle and lots of wine.

We were still eating at 4pm and by then the rain had stopped so we were able to go all go for a walk with Beth, the dog, through the meadows and woods behind our place. We needed a walk to use up some of the calaries we'd eaten for lunch.

Such a shame about the rain, but all in all a perfect day with friends.

The demise of Hamster and the finding of the hole in the ground

It was strangely quiet in my study early this morning, I glanced over to the hamster cage, and quickly realised that something was amiss, the grape I had put in the cage last night was still there, the food dish still full.



I looked down at his little bed and there he was all tucked up and so still, no longer just asleep but deceased.



I knew over these past few days that he was going down hill, there were the tell tale signs, the excessive drinking and strong smell of urine, and now his time was up. He'd had a good 2 years which is average for a hamster. I haven't told Lucy yet, I let her go to school and as she is staying the night with her friend I will not tell her until she returns tomorrow, I think it's better that way.



He'd certainly had his adventures. Last year he had planned and executed his escape. He used to work at pushing open the cage door, and eventually he succeeded!



We came down one morning , the door was open and he had gone. I'd heard a cafuffle in the night and now I knew what it was. Beth , the dog, , must have found hammy, I was convinced she had eaten him.



We searched high and low but didn't find him. However, not deterrred Lucy put out food for Hammy and in the morning the food had gone, so He Was Alive somewhere in the house!



This went on for several days, we'd put food out, Hammy, found it and ate his fill and returned to his hiding place.



Then I noticed that Beth was spending a lot of time nosing around under Lucy's bed. So I pulled everything out, quite a feat in it self, there snuggled in the bottom of a box surrounded by chewed blankets stuff was Hammy. He was not pleased at being found and bit me hard, it bled for ages!



We got him back into his cage, but the next night he escaped again, this time we knew where to look! This time he was put back in his cage and I tied the doors up............No more escaping for him!!



Sadly now he is no more.



I went out into the garden to dig a hole and bury him. As I had the spade in my hand I thought I'd have another look for my Rotary Lines hole in the ground. After tapping at the grass for a few moments I suddenly hit metal. Yes, there it was........My hole in the ground! Hooray! But it's raining now so I still can't hang the washing out!

Moving photos practice- "hooray I think she's done it!"

This is Lucy looking over the kitchen stable door.

This blog is just a practise for moving photos around.

Did I tell you it been a week of "returns", first the ducks

Then it was the return to work. The day in Brighton.

And also this week has been the return of Tom, our friend who is training to do the dreaded HIPS! He arrived on Tuesday and will be staying till Saturday, which has added a bit more interest to the week.

See blog below for todays proper blog!!

Birds Nests in strange places

A couple of years ago I noticed some rather strange things happening by the drain pipe at the side of the house, clumps of grassy stuff kept ending up in the drain hole, I kept clearing it out thinking it was blowing in from where we'd cut the grass.

But then we started to notice other strange things, the pipe from the bathroom started over flowing, the water was splashing all over the ground.

Stan & I went down for further investigation, Stan put his hand into top of the down pipe , its a v shape drain and pipe just goes into it, he pulled out enormous amounts of grassy, feathery stuff, then to our surprize a Great Tit flew by with much consternation, gave us a odd look and flew off.

Suddenly it dawned on us, the Great tit and partner had built their nest in the top of the down pipe and every time we emptied the bath it was washing their nest away!

We felt dreadful, we wanted to help , we didn't want the nest in the down pipe but what to do??

We had no more nesting boxes but we had a bat box unoccupied, so Stan managed to net off the drain pipe and screwed the bat box up beside the pipe and opened the top lid an inch or so and wedged it open.

Then we waited, a couple of days later we realised the birds had worked it out, a nest was being built in the bat box. Eggs were laid, chicks were hatched and all was well.

There are Great Tits nesting in the box again this year, it's wonderful!

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Elsewhere in the garden there are many other birds nesting too, but one caught my eye the other day. I was out feeding the rabbits when I heard such a commotion, Tinker, the tailess cat, was going mad, I saw a bird dart past and cat flew into the climber at the back of the workshop, cat scrambled up the plant, I shooed him down, as he stumbled to the ground I looked up to see what he was after and there in the climbing plant (you can tell I'm no good with plants, don't know its name!, it has flowers like a hydranga but its a rambler) I spy a tiny nest, in this nest are some small chicks, I can hear them.

I shoo the cat away and then position one of Stan's car bonnets against that section of workshop so Tinker can no longer climb up.

Then I go indoors and keep watch, I see a Chaffinch go to the nest, taking food. All is well. I've kept an eye on the the nest this past few days and every thing seems to be in order. Chicks are growing, parents are feeding. Cat is out of the way!!

The return to work

A picture of Brighton Pavillion, hope that brings back happy memories Un Peu Loufoque!

Today saw me make my first tentative moves towards returning to work, I am looking forward to seeing my families again and getting back into the swing of things.

I had to go to Brighton to meet my manager, Jean, a very lovely person, so this was no hardship.

But to get to Brighton I have to drive along a notoriously dangerous stretch of road, the A272, which crosses the other main roads going northwards to London. I must admit I was feeling quite vulnerable as I set out on my journey, it's not as if this is my first time driving as i've been back behind the wheel for 2 weeks, but it was the first time I'd been on such a long journey alone since before the operation.

The A272 takes you through some pretty villages and country side but there is a sinister feel as you go along certain section, shrines of flowers in memory of loved ones killed along the road, jump out and hit you in the face. I know it is important to grieve but I do wonder at the need for such visual signs along a road, it is most disturbing. As I drive along one section near Bucks Barn crossroads, I recall a colleague who was killed in an accident only a few months back. He was only 53, and he was not at fault the other driver lost control and hit him.

I stopped at the Post office at Cowfold to send a letter to Sophie in Spain, she rang this morning, she wasn't feeling too well, so was having a lazy day, but tomorrow she starts work, she is to clean 2 apartments, she says she is looking forward to it! It is a trial, so she will only get more work if she does this well.

Arriving in Brighton, I feel better, I'm looking forward to seeing Jean & Issi. They botyh greet me with big hugs, and soon tea is made and we chat. Jean filled me in with news of work and then we go off to Lunch. Jean takes me to a place called "Open House" it's an Arty sort of Bar/cafe, lots of interesting pieces of art hung on the walls for people to buy. We order our lunch and sit on big comfy Chesterfield Sofas, the place is almost empty but it has a nice feel to it.

I eat Pittas with assorted dips and Jean has a Risotto.

I love Brighton, it's such a vibrant place, full of intersting and colourful people. Some people call it Little London! Well, given the choice I'd rather be in Brighton any day, London doesn't have any Sea!

Unfortunately , due to having to collect Lucy from school , there is no time to walk around The Lanes or go in the Pavillion, or even go on the beach, but it was a jolly good first day at work!!

The return of our visitors.

When we first moved to this house 6 years ago we didn't realise that we would have to welcome unexpected visitors , who would arrive without warning and demand to stay and require regular feeding and a place to bathe.

The first Spring 3 visitors arrived, suddenly out of the blue they decended on us and waited by the back door until we greeted them and provided food and fresh water. Being a good christian I couldn't turn them away!

They were an unruly lot, 2 males and one female, like teenagers they chased around the garden, the boys trying to get the girl's attention, squabbling and fighting over her, but she was quite aloaf and seemed amused by their displays.

After having their fill of good food and a good bath they would leave again, but returned the next day and the next...........................

Then suddenly they came no more, they left no forwarding address and didn't say "Goodbye". Each afternoon I 'd stand by the back door and watch for them, but they didn't come.

Over the long cold winters our visitors never appeared but once the Spring arrived so would they. Year after year they come back to see us. However, there are only two now, they have married and the best man won.

I look forward to their return, and this year I was so pleased to see them, as last year I feared that Beth had frightened them away, she has such a loud bark and every time they tried to come into the garden she would try to chase them. This time I'm keeping her safely inside.

It was so funny yesterday Our visitors made an impromptu visit, they almost over shot the garden, the landing was a nose dive and a crumbled mess on the grass, but they quickly righted themselves and checked no one had seen bad landing, and waddled up to the door to ask for food again.

Yes, of course our visitors are a pair of wild Mallards!!

Sultana Slab cake

This is a recipe which I posted on the "dark side" some weeks ago and due to popular demand, brownmouse & un peu loufoque, I am posting it here again.
If you've not already tried it, do , it's a great cake for filling up hungry men and children and goes well with custard too!

12oz-1lb sultanas
3 eggs
12oz sugar , this can be caster or soft brown
2 tsp almond essence
8oz butter/marg
12oz plain flour + 2tsp baking power (or 12oz self raising)

Place fruit in pan and cover with water, bring to boil and simmer for 15mins
Mix sugar, eggs & essence in large bowl,
drain Sultanas and put butter in saucepan with them, put back on heat until butter melted.
Remove from heat and add to egg mixture, stir well
Add flour and pour into greased baking tray (8"x 12"ish)

Bake in oven on gas 3 or 150C for 45 mins

Happy cooking,

As an alternative I sometimes make it into a Chocolate Fudge brownie type cake, instead of sultanas I add 2 mars bars to melted butter and 2 table spoons of cocoa powder in place of some of the flour, using same priciples, works well too!

Elaine

Reflections

Having spent the week living in the past, it's quite hard to bring myself back into the present. Stirring up all those memories has been quite unsettling and I feel rather restless. But I'm glad wrote the stories.

I always used to keep a Diary, I started when I was about 12, I'd ask to a big Day to a page diary for Christmas every year and I'd often be sitting in my room of an evening writing in it. They are still up in my parents loft, I got them down once and started reading them, they sounded so corny now as an adult but they were full of teenage angst and very true to how I was feeling at the time.

The memories I have relived this week are there in thoses old diaries , but in much more anguished terms, I'd pour my heart out to my diary, and I guess I have done so this week but hopfully in a more controlled way.

Now it's time to get back to normal, I'm due to go back to work again on Wednesday, I'm looking forward to it, but it will mean I'll have less time to sit reading and writing blogs, but I'll pop in and see everyone at least once a day i hope, I've been terible these past few weeks been on the computer for hours, don't know where the time goes!

Life is changing, it's very starnge not having Sophie here, but Evie popped home yesterday though it was only brief as she worked last night and this morning and has now gone off to her Uni Ball.

Thanks for all your comments and messages, I really enjoyed reading what you all had to say.

PS The rabbit is a reminder of all the baby rabbits that are in my garden, every time I look out of the window I see several of them, nibbling my plants, but the dtrongest survive, my Broom and French Lavendar that they nibbled last year has come back with avengence, so I don't worry too much!

Warm wishes

Muddie X

"All of my heart." Part 3 Sam

Reprise:

"Once upon a time

I was falling in love,

Now I'm just falling apart,

Nothing I can do

Total eclipse of the heart"

Sam & I were so in love, I felt I was living in a dream, and when I look back on those heady days I can still feel the intensity and it was probably the most intense, exciting time of my life, but it was filled with anguish too. I was 21 and looking for commitment and long term love, Sam was only 17, I was his first love and he was finding it hard to be everything I needed of him. He still wanted to be out with the boys, playing at being an airman, and spending solitary time with his bike.

Even my Mum could see this and she wrote me a letter when I was still in Uni, saying how much she liked Sam but not to expect too much from him, I suppose I knew what she meant but it's hard to act on.

After my finals Sam came up to Manchester and we spent a most intense and wonderful week together, it was such fun, staying in bed all day and playing house! Then we had to pack up all my things and I hired a van which I drove back to Norfolk in, Sam became very quiet on that journey home. And that seemed to be a kind of turning point, when things were never quite the same again.

Back at home in Norfolk, I found myself alone quite a lot, Sam didn't come round every day and if he did it was often very late and not for long. I found myself getting very cross with him, so we'd end up arguing and upsetting each other. There were good times too, like the night we went out in the motor cruiser and anchored up in the middle of The Broad, or the night when my parents were away and he crept in through the kitchen window and slipped into bed beside me and gave me such a shock!, but they were getting few and far between, it felt like I was always the one chasing after him and that he had more important things to do.

During this summer another family arrived and took over the village shop, they had 2 daughters, Mandy and I got friendly with them, Sally & Fiona, Sally was fun to be with but told very tall stories and whenever something good was happening she'd always have some tale of disaster. Eric started going out with Sally , they got together on the night that we were celevrating Sam's 18th birthday. But they weren't to last long and I found myself spending time with sally and she planted seeds in my mind about how badly Sam was treating me and why did I stay with him. I guess she was only telling what I already knew.

I had to go up to Leeds to hunt for a flat as that was where I was going next to study. I found a tiny little bedsit at the top of an old house. So at the beginning of September I wanted to go up and take my things, Sam agreed to come too, we took my dad's little van, Sam drove most of the way, I'd been teaching him to drive over the past few months and he was very competent by then, I only had to take over on the Motorways!

Once again we had a fantastic couple of days togther and I remember commenting on the way home "That we were like an old maried couple", which i think he quite liked the idea of.

Anyway, once back home Sam was off on one of his Cadet jaunts so Sally & I decided to go away for a few days to Stratford upon Avon. We stayed in a little boarding house and there I met Jerry, a salesman, who flirted outrageously with us , it turned out his room was next to ours and in the night I heard this insistent tapping on the wall, when I peeped out of our door, there stood Jerry who beckoned me in to his room. As I'd been feeling particu;arly annoyed about Sam because of how Sally had been running him down, it seemed like a good idea to go off with Jerry. I won't go into detail, but lets just say there was some intimacy between us but not all the way. It didn't feel right.

The next morning Sally & I returned home, after a brief goodbye to Jerry, never to be seen again!

We got home on the Friday, Sam was due back on the Saturday, Sunday was my 22nd birthday.

Mandy , the gang and I had planned to go to our favourite club on the Saturday to celebrate my birthday. I was assuming that Sam would be coming, I wasn't intending on telling him anything about Jerry, it wasn't important.

Saturday evebing, the phone rings, it's Sam, he's back, he's very tired, he doesn't want to come clubbing, I'm cross and tell him so. He agrees to come over and see me, I'm beginning to see the futility of this relationship and when he does come round we tart to talk about what is going wrong, I stupidly tell him about Jerry, he's angry and upset. He says "It's best if we finish things now", it's not what i really want but I agree. We decide to go our separate ways, after all I'm off to Leeds in a day or two, he'll be joining the RAF in 6 months. I walk out to his bike and we have one last kiss,......... sorry, I'm getting all choked up, I can't see the keys for tears rolling down my face, tissues please! He tells me he loves me but this is for the best, As he rode away the tears just fell down my face.

I had to pull myself together as the girls were coming round and we were going clubbing, I couldn't let them down.

They arrive and realise what has happened, we agree to go anyway, We jump in the car and Mandy has on ABC, suddenly the following song comes on

"Once upon a time when we were friends

I gave you my heart. the story ends No happy ever after, now were friends Wish upon a star if that might help The stars collide if you decide Wish upon a star if that might help What’s it like to have loved and to lose her touch? What’s it like to have loved and to lose that much? Well I hope and I prayThat maybe somedayYou’ll walk in the room with my heart

Add and subtract But as a matter of fact Now that you’re gone I still want you back RememberingSurrenderingRemembering that part All of my heart

But I hope and I prayThat maybe somedayYou’ll walk in the room with my heart Add and subtractBut as a matter of factNow that you’re gone I still want you backRememberingSurrenderingThe kindest cut’s the cruellest partAll of my heartYes I hope and I prayThat maybe somedayYou’ll walk in the room with my heartAnd I shrug and I sayThat maybe todayYou’ll come home soon SurrenderingRememberingSurrendering that part-all of my heart All of my heart"

Those words just sent arrows into my heart and I just started to cry and cry and cry.

I got through the evening, but spent the next day crying on and off, I went with a friend to the cinema, it was my birthday but what a horrible birthday. I'd ruined everything. A year ago, it had all begun and now it was in tatters.

Whilst I was out Sam came round and left my birthday present. It was a cute biscuit caddy and he had painted on the bottom, "All my love forever, Sam XXX" .

Iam ashamed to say I then chased round the villages trying to find him and eventually caught up with him at his brothers, he tried to escape with out seeing me, it all became quite farsicle. In the end he agreed to come and see me to talk the next evening.

Which he did, we agreed in the end that it was best to leave things as they were but that we'd see how we felt in a few months time.

It felt like the end of the world, but in actual fact, the world is still spinning and we have remained intouch all these years, I guess there was a quiet period for a year, but then we started writing to each other again, he had a new girl friend, then I met Stan, he finished with his girlfriend around time of my sister 's 21, she had a party, I was there with Stan, Sam was there too. Stan doesn't dance but Sam asked me to dance with him.......................There we were back where we'd started, the intensity of feelings was still there, I just melted into his arms. Later as we were all getting ready to go, he kissed me and I was in turmoil. Stan knew but said nothing. But for months after that I didn't know what to do, whether to leave Stan and go back to Sam, but it was too complicated , house wise, job wise and Sam was miles away in the RAF.

Sam eventually settled down with an old school friend and I married Stan, but Sam still holds a special place in my heart and was the "Love of my life".................

Total Eclipse of the heart

Having received the letter from Sam I was all of a dither, What should I do? I had told no one of my close encounter except my sister and she was all for it, but I knew mandy would think me totally out of my mind . The Easter holiday was fast approaching and a dance was happening that the gang was planning on going to.

So come the end of term I got the train home to Norwich and looked forward to a fun holiday. I had no further contact from Sam. The evening of the dance, this one was a bit more up market , not in the old village hall but in a local hotel. My sister, her boyfriend and I went along and there met Mandy , her boyfriend and the Three Muskateers!

In the cold light of day Sam looked so very young and I was shocked at how my feelings had altered, that yearning I'd had all those weeks whilst away in manchester just disappeared. I couldn't do this, it was all wrong and I'd make a fool of myself, so for most of the evening I avoided contact with him, except when we were all dancing togther on the floor, then every now and then I'd catch him watching me and his face would break in to a gorgeous smile and I could feel my cheeks going pink with embarrassment. Towards the end of the evening he asked me to dance , which I did and we chatted and laughed, he had such a great sense of humour you couldn't help but become enthralled by his chatter. But because I didn't want to alert mandy to any gossip we kept our distance and we parted at the end of the evening as friends but nothing more.

I returned to Uni and through myself in to all sorts of activities , so much so that i even spent half of the summer holidays in Manchester working on a Mencap Playscheme, with one of my student friends. During this time I began I brief relationship with Steve, another helper on the scheme, he was sweet and attentive but I really had no strong feelings for him, but it filled a gap, I kept trying to make myself fall in love twith him, but it wasn't there, he started getting too intense and wanted me to meet his mum , EEKK!! I came back home to Norfolk and carried on the pretense that I was "in love", ringing him each day, pretending i was missing him, but it was no good, it wasn't true, so by September I had to tell him we were through. He didn't take it very easily and still kept ringing me.

It was on the evening after I'd phoned him i was wandering aimlessly around the village when Sam roared up on his little Motor bike, he stopped and we got talking. Then he said he was off to Eric's to do some work on their bikes and did I want to come, So I jumped on the back of the bike (Yes, I know 'elf and safety wouldn't allow it) and we zoomed off to Eric's. In a sense spending an evening watching two lads playing with their bikes isn't much fun, but it was the company I needed, and it gave me a huge buzz. Sam took me home again on the back of his bike , and it felt kind of special.

The following week was my 21st birthday and a group of us had arrnged to go clubbing in Norwich. To my surprize, Mandy brought the three Muskateers with her. Sam handed me a card and a present, It was a beautiful little necklace , which i still have and a corny card for a 1 year old, I still have that too, in it he'd written "Happy 21st, I'll see you at 42". I was so touched . It was a fantastic evening and Sam & I danced together, well I danced with all of them in tirn, but it meant most with Sam and we had the last slow dance togather and he kissed me just briefly and then it was over and we all came home. I rushed back to Manchester so didn't see Sam again for some while.

Just to add another dimension to the story, during the summer another young man had been paying me attention, my mum's headteachers' son, Tony, he was a lovely person but I didn't fancy him at all, but we occasionally met for a drink or for lunch, trouble is I think he had stronger feelings for me,andin september he went off to Canada for a long holiday and whilst he was away he wrote to me. He invited me to go to The College Christams party, and I agreed to go.

Meanwhile, My friend Linda, the one who went out with my ex from the other story, was getting engaged to her new man and she was having a party in the November, which meant I had to come back home for a weekend specially for it. I wanted ot have someone to go with and I contacted Sam and asked him to come with me. Much to my delight he said "Yes."

The party was quite a distance away, so i took my mum's car and we stayed over night, all above board, girls indoors and boys were in a caravan. It was a weird weekend, Sam and I sort of thrown together and the intimacey grew and by the time we went home we realised we wanted to be together, but I still was having reservations .

Back to Manchester, another brief fling to try to throw Sam out of my system, but it didn't work, I wanted to see him so much.

Back to Norfolk for Christams, the College Party I'd forgotten all aboit it and the fact i'd agreed to go with Steve, trouble was this was Sam's college too. Steve and I travelled by coach and arrived at the party, it was all dark and we felt our way through to the tables and sat down, suddenly i spotted Sam, he walked across the floor and spotted me, my heart lurched, he came over and asked me to dance, I fell stupidly into his arms and just hugged him, so hard, I think he had to hold me up I was in such a state. He kissed me and I just knew, he was the one.

Steve is watching all this and is fuming, when i go back to the table he is quite angry, I can't remember exactly what happened, there was a bit of scuffle with him and Sam, but neither are fighters so they calmed down and I talked it through with Steve, he was not happy, but we got through the rest of the evening.

This is quite difficult for me to write as I am getting quite emotional, but That point at the Party was the real turning point, when Sam and I both knew we couldn't hide our feelings anymore and we "came out" as a couple, most people were ok about, though I did get a few calls of cradle snatcher. Mandy just thought I was mad, and humoured me.

My Sister and I had another Christmas Party as our parents were away and this year was the most stupendous of all parties, Sam and I were able to be together in the truest sense of the words and it was just amazing.

As our relationship grew we were togeter more and more, though he had a habit of disappearing for days during boy things in the Cadets, he later joined the RAF and is always away somewhere. But I was still at manhester for the terms and finals were coming up, I wasn't coping very well and when I was away I missed sam so much, after the Easter break I went back to Uni to revise, but I just couldn't settle I needed to be with Sam, so I came home again, and it was the only way i could cope with revision. We'd go clubbing and Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the heart had just come out and it became our song.

There was "Nothing I could do , Total eclipse of the heart". Turn the music up loud and lets all sing at the top of our voices!

I'd like to say "and Reader I married him", but that was not to be.............I'll continue tomorrow

Waiting for a girl like you!

Foreigner’s “Waiting for a girl like you!” is the song that reminds me of a very special person, in fact most of my other memorable songs are connected to him to, so I will tell you the beginning of the story now and it may take a few days to complete.

Those of you who read my 3 part story of Tom & Mandy which I wrote on the “other side” before my op, will have already have been introduced to my friend Mandy.

Mandy has a younger brother, Eric. Eric had 2 very good friends, then tended to be known as the Three Muskateers, as they were always together and always getting into scrapes. All for one and one for all, that sort of thing! Eric’s friends were Sam and Bob.

Eric , Sam and Bob were 4 years younger than Mandy and I, the same age as my sister Amy, so really they were her friends. When they were very young I thought nothing about them at all, except they were annoying little boys, after all when I was 16 they were 12!

However, when I was 20 and they were 16 things changed. If anything I’d been mildly attracted to Eric, he was the cute one with black hair and dark brown eyes, a look I tend to go for and I did have the odd day dream about us being together, but you could have knocked me down with a feather when I think about what actually happened.

It was Christmas 1981, Amy decided to she wanted a Party, and as I had been away at Uni, it was down to her to organise and it was mostly her friends, including Eric, Bob and Sam.

As the evening got underway and drink was flowing, I found myself sitting in the hallway chatting with Sam, I’d not really had so much as a word with him before but we just talked and talked and it felt so natural and I began to feel very comfortable in his presence and when we kissed it seemed like the most natural thing in the world, we just melted into one another. Meanwhile , the party was starting to break up and every one was going, we wandered back into the living room and found it desserted apart from Amy and her boyfriend, soon they went up to bed, leaving just Sam and I.

We just sat on the floor and played lots of records and suddenly Foreigner’s “Waiting for a girl like you” came on and Sam , just whispered “You’re just what I was waiting for” and kissed me again.

The moment was broken by my dad shouting down the stairs, “The party’s over, turn that music off and anyone left go home!”

The next day, I was a be shell shocked , what was I doing kissing someone so young, what would every one say, I’d be a laughing stock, But I liked him , he gave me such a lovely feeling inside, all warm and fuzzy. That day I had to go out to see a friend several miles away so I was gone all day, but when I got back, Mum said I’d had a visitor. Sam had been round on his Motorbike and asked if I was in and when he found I wasn’t , he asked about borrowing some records.

I didn’t see him again for sometime, as I went back to Uni, but back there in Manchester I was so restless, I couldn’t study all I could do was think about Sam, but I didn’t know how to contact him, he had no phone and I didn’t know his address, but I knew where the house was. I couldn’t ask Mandy because I was worried about her reaction , after all Sam was her kid brothers friend not someone you’d be interested in romantically!

After a couple of weeks I could bear it no more, I decided I had to make contact somehow. I found a post card, it had a horse on the front and I can’t remember exactly what I wrote, but the giste was “ I don’t know if you want to speak to me again, but this is my address if would like to write to me.” I made a guess at the addrees, White cottage, on the corner, Village name…………….I posted it and waited.

A few days later I got a letter back! I was over joyed, he told me how much he’d wanted to see me again and asked when I was coming home again, he asked if I’d be home at Easter and if we could go to the dance together. The idea of seeing him, excited me, but I was also petrified, this just didn’t seem right, he was too young. I was conscious that friends would laugh at me.

Tomorrow I’ll give you “Total Eclipse of the heart”

Will You?

Hazel O'Connor's "Will You?" brings back memories that lasted for several years of the childhood crush that could have developed into a grown up relationship, but didn't quite make it.

I will just write some of the lyrics in case you are not familiar with the song, I know them by heart.

• You drink your coffee
• and I sip my tea and
• we're sitting here playing it cool
• thinking what will be will be
• It's getting kind of late now
• I wonder if you'll stay now
• Stay Now
• or Will you just politely say "goodnight"
• I move a little closer to you
• Not knowing quite what to do
• and I'm feeling all fingers and thumbs
• I spill my tea , Oh silly me!
• And then we touch much to much
• The moment has been waiting for
• a long long time,
• your shiver makes me quiver
• This moment I'm am so unsure
• This moment I've been waiting for......

Jamie was the "new kid in town", he caused quite a stir amoung us young girls when we were about 10/11! He was one year older. He arrived from Canada, very exotic for Norfolk people. His dad was a farmer , and sadly his mum had died leaving him alone so he was brought over the England to live with his dad and grandad. He was very handsome and sight of him sent a visible buzz round the village. " Jamie's been seen out on his bike" so we'd all go out on our bikes to try and spot him.

I was the lucky one as he lived at the end of my lane, and came past my house regularly. I soon developed a huge crush on him and spent many of my waking hours day dreaming about him. But he was quite elusive and as he didn't go to our school there was no opportunity to talk to him, so I just worshipped him from afar!

When I started secondary school 1973, my opportunity to see him more was greatly enhanced, as he travelled on the same bus in the after noon, he went on a later bus in the morning, as he only went to Wroxham and I had to get to Norwich. But we had to bike the 2 miles to and from the bus stop. Every afternoon, I would rush out of school to get the early bus in the hope of being able to see him and perhaps get to talk to him and ride our bikes home together, but he was terribly shy and although he'd mumble "Hi" as we got off the bus, he'd rush and grab his bike and be off at a race of knots so me and my friend couldn't catch up and of course I couldn't tell my friend I had a crush on him, it was too embarrassing, so she saw no need to rush and used to say snidy remarks about him!

This crush continued for a further 3 years, when we had a New Youth Club open in the village, things started to develop, I got myself on the committee and so did Jamie, and suddenly we found ourselves doing things together, he'd call for me to bike to a committee meeting and we'd talk quite a lot, but he never asked me out. I was getting really frustrated. In the end I was taking to a girl friend and she asked me if I really liked Jamie and if I'd go out with him, and I admitted I would and asked for her help. Jamie was her brother's best friend, so she saw him at her house all the time. There was a Youth Club disco coming up soon and so we agreed that she would find out if he would go out with me, it turned out he said "YES"! So come the night of the disco, I was so nervous and confused and so was he, we skirted around each other, but in the end I grabbed him to dance, this was to Dr Hook's "A Little bit More!" which became our theme tune, in a sense. After such a shy start I was quite surprized by the intensity at which he kissed me . At last after all those years of worshipping from afar I got my "boy"! For a few weeks we were together evcry day, it was winter time so once we'd ridden our bikes home we'd stand outside my house in the dark kissing until my mum would come out and tell us off and invite him in! But it didn't last having wanted him for so long, it was a bit boring to have achievd my goal, so after a couple of months I finished with him. I'm so fickle! The I regretted it and wanted to have him back, but he'd moved on by then......................

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Jump ahead to 1981 . I'm at University but coming home for the summer, my friend, who helped me all those years ago to "Go out with" Jamie, is getting married, she invites me +1 to the wedding. I do not have a significant other at the time and I know that Jamie has split from his long erm fiancee, I also know that Jamie is planning on going back to Canada. I desperatley want to see him before he goes. So the invite is a good excuse to ring him. He is still living in the house at the end of the lane, by now he is living there alone as his dad has remarried and gone back to Canada.

I pick up the phone with huge tredidation, my hand shakes as I dial the number , he answers, my throat dries up and I can hardly speak. I stumble over my words but just manage to get out who I am and ask him if he'd come to the wedding with me. To my huge suerprize he accepts! He then invites me to come up to thre house sometime, we don't make a definite arrangement but he says he'll call for me as he's passing one evening. I know his car noise of by heart as he drives past hurtling down the lane with engine roaring. He drives an old battered Ford Cortina, in Bright Yellow, you can't miss it!

One evening I'm sitting in my room when I hear the car, this time it doesn't roar past but stops, then I hear the tinkle of stones on the bedroom window, just like he used to do when we were kids and he wanted to see me.

I ran down and found him in the lane, he opened the door of the car and I jumped in, I wasn't sure quite what i was doing, but I was very excited.

We got to his house and he showed me in , it was so weird, I'd never been in the house before, but it has a strong connection for me, as this is the very house where my dad was born.

We talk and laugh and he makes me a cup of tea and he has coffee, this is where the song comes in, almost word for word happened to us that evening, I do spill my tea , I bruised my elbow of his sofa as we touch too much, but in the end I ask to be taken home. And we "politely say Good night". It's difficult to explain why I stopped , but it didn't seem right , and oh how i regretted not staying. He didn't ask me again, but we did go to the wedding together. And a few months later he called in to say he was off to Canada, we hugged "goodbye", and I've never seen or heard from him again.