Aaaaaargh - that's what I say. Totlly understand your confusion - still, how nice to be appreciated and put forward! Remember that! I think I would discuss the work/life balance issues with them and see if there is a way that the role could be accomodated with flexible working patterns. After all, they know your personal circumstances and about your recent health worries. If it's a resounding 'no', then my instinct says to think about the team leaders role, which sounds interesting, but ONLY if you think you would have no regrets about turning down this opportunity - they don't come along very often and you don't want to look back and think 'if only I'd given it a go'. So frustrating - things never come along at the right time, or with the exact right conditions attached! Good luck with your decision.
Oooh Aaaah Muddy this is a sticky one. As Suffolkmum says sounds like a great opportunity BUT
I think you should do a pros and cons list and discuss it with th family. I get the feeling from your blogs that you get your work satisfaction from the interaction with your clients. Would you lose this with the promotion and just turn into a paper pusher? I expect the money's good but would you be too tired to really enjoy it? And of course there's Lucy and Stan and the house and pets. I don't envy you the decision and I hope this has been a help. {Probably not} Toady
Firstly Elaine-that is BRILLIANTT news and whatever happens you should be proud and pleased with yourself that your efforts and abilities have been recognised.
Secondly, they wouldn't have asked you if they didn't think you could do it. There seems to be a lot of people rooting for you.
I have to say, my heart would say to you "GO FOR IT Elaine, you can do anything you want to, this is your time now, the girls are all (fairly) independent and if you want it then go for it"
My head tells me that you should do exactly what Elizabthd says; "STOP, pause, and take a step back..." You have until Monday. You don't need to be even thinking of really deciding the way forward until Saturday. Give yourself some time to think.
This would be a big commitment. Only you REALLY know whether physically you are up to this. It may be this is just what you need to throw yourself into and give you a new challenge. Or maybe at your stage in life, you want to have a quiet life and do the nice things-maybe your illness has made you see that there is more to life.
I see this from all sides Elaine, as someone who has been driven into the ground by a career in the past! And then on the flip side, there is nothing matters more than family and health.
Let's face it, no-one looks back on their death bed and says "I wish I had worked harder..."
Sorry to pass it back; you can consider your families opinions and our thoughts, but it HAS to be your decision. Think of it from all angles.
Maybe ask the same question on Saturday? But by then you may have all the answers yourself...
My gut reaction? Go for your gut reaction. I feel from your words that you probably feel the same as me, that you should go for the team leader post. You know I have been through similar problems as you; I am some years ahead of you and think you should not over-burden yourself. That is just my opinion though. I also think the new post may be more money but not as rewarding. Paper-pushing is not rewarding which makes it just stress-enforcing. I had a similar problem last year when I was encouraged to go for a full time nursing post in a cancer care day centre, a wonderful job but I had to be strong and look at it logically. It was full-time unlike my also much-loved library post which is part-time. So I turned it down. I realise now I did the right thing as I know the previous post holder who loved the job but was totally stressed out. But I would say the same even if you had not had health problems, don't think that is why I am saying I would not go for the top job. It just makes you realise what really matters in life doesn't it? I have a friend of our age who has been through what we have who still works full-time in a demanding job, is constantly exhausted,always going down with something and more than that she is a brilliant writer/[poet and is wasting her talent. Good luck, whatever you decide is up to you, I hope we are of help in our thoughts. Caitx
Is it not wonderful to have been given the power of choice? I think of what you have been facing and dealing with this year (since we have been acquaintances.) I so admire your strength, and your way of dealing with changes over which you do not have control.
This is why it is good to be able to choose. Sometimes, I feel that reacting to what is thrust upon me is easier that making my own wishes known. Somewhere I remember hearing this called the "tyranny of choice."
It is so wonderful that you do continue your recovery of your strength. It is wonderful that you can be so supportive to your truly beautiful daughter in Spain.
Without going into an even longer list, I do want to say that clearly you are not just the average woman in the street/crowd/wherever. You are quite a strong, unique person.
Now...from all the blogs that I have written both here and way back There, you well know that I have all sorts of work-aholic tendencies, though I would deny them to all. I need to support myself, with any recourse to other means, and always think of basic survival above all, when making career/life balance decisions.
I do like the responsibility in my manager job, but truthfully know that if I had a family, with its obligations, I could not hold my job. (I have felt the same in my prior careers, but even more strongly now.)
I work for a company that is devoted in its philosophy to a spendid work/life balance, but in the real life that I live, it is heavily tilted to the work.
Enough about me. Except to say that the more insight that I have into how folks are chosen to fill available positions, it is clear to me that there are not so very many qualified and WILLING applicants. So...my almost final comment is ... if you think that you want and could handle the new position, please go right ahead. If you have doubts, and do not HAVE to go for the new position, wait it out.
If they like you know, and you know who they are, they will like you (and perhaps even respect you more) if you respectfully decline the kind invitation to ... something that does not quiet suit you now. Remember, sweet Elaine, that you are the one writing your own script.
Did this sound horrible. Hope not, because I am still a pretty positive thinking person. But I do know how organizations, even well meaning organizations, can take advantage of talent.
Wow Muddy! What a wonderful signal of the appreciation there is for you and your work. Like the others I say "think about it, weight the pros and cons, and go with your gut". A year ago I was asked to take on a position of much more responsibility - more money, more travel and more time committment. There are days when I really wish for a return to my former situation. I didn't need to prove anything by taking the new post - I knew that THEY knew that I could do it. I miss my 'down time' and peace of mind. When this contract is up I intend to step back and make my personal life the pivot again.
Me again - just wanted to say that we are all on our own wells because there is no piped water. We have two wells - one for the house and one for the garden and animals. When we lose power we also lose water as our pumps are powered by electricity.
Dear Elaine - sound advice from everyone (well, what else could you expect from such a great bunch?). If it were me: I would be as proud as punch to be asked; I wouldn't jump straight in - sleepless nights prescribed for at least four nights; do I need the extra money MORE than time with my family?; would I LOSE any enjoyment from my job?; what would I have to SACRIFICE to do it?; what would I GAIN from doing it?; would I be HAPPIER?; will it affect my health/doctor/hospital checkups?; and finally the work/life balance thing is such a fine line and juggling act, my own personal experience of giving up work completely has opened up other areas of my life to me, that I wouldn't have considered before. You say you love your job NOW - will you love the new one as much? Extra responsibility is just that - a responsibility. Do you thrive on that or do you enjoy doing what you do then switching off for time at home, without a second thought? Such a lot to think about Muddie........ follow your heart. Life is for living to the full, as if each day were your last. When you can identify what makes you truly happy to your heart, you will be able to make the decision. Good luck, whatever you decide. All your friends here are proud of you.xx
Well, you must be very good at your job to have been put forward by so many people, so give yourself a big pat on the back (and a congratulatory glass of wine or two!) It does sound like a great opportunity, however, you must look into your heart and listen to what it is telling you. Sooo difficult - I don't envy you this decision, but look to the positive - you wouldn't be in this position if you weren't a success at what you do.
Best of luck with it, and let us know what you decide.
Hello dear Muddie, Difficult one this, but wonderful that you have been considered for Deputy Director position. Probabably will be more responsibility, and I am sure you are capable of that Muddie. As SM says, I think it would be a good idea to discuss with them the work/life balance issues, to see if they can help with more flexible working patterns. The very best of luck with whatever you decide Muddie, if you decide not to take up this post, perhaps the Team Leaders role would suit, hope all goes well Muddie. Camilla.xx
Well done you for being offered it in the first place! But think carefully because your health and family must come top of your list of priorities. If my dealings with social services are anything to go by (I blogged about it a couple of days ago)it will be a highly stressful job. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Rather late in finding your blog sorry. Right - well - what do you want. Now is the time - you have been given a new lease of life so it is what you want/need. Can you manage this new job etc with your health at present - do you want extra pressure do you think. Only you know in your heart how much you can put into this at the present time. Wjat do the family think - will you be away more. All the old arguments I guess - what does him indoors say. You have a choice Muddie - a choice - will there be ill feeling if you leap above someone else - will you feel cheated if you give it away! Dont make a quick decision - do you have much time to decide - do you want the hassle. Health is everything remember. love mousie
Coming in late to this debate and you've lots of good advice. Mine, for what it's worth, is to step back, take a deep breath andlook deep inside for the small voice that is telling you what you should do.
I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle. I wish him and his family strength and love. The Princess Alice was based at Leatherhead Cottage hospital when Dad was there. The building was old and basic but the staff and everyone involved with the hospice could not have done more for Dad or for us. Thank you for your comments. CX
Hi Muddie - me again - just found your comment. I think you will have made the right decision - right job - wrong time I think - thats a lot of driving and still early days with your op and things really. You still have the weekend to think things through again - I think you already know really what you need to do. love mousie. PS Have got over the trauma of the day! Always something to worry about!
Good Friday evening to you Elaine, Your decision sounds so wise to me. You are gonna have lots more invitations, and what is more, they will come at better times. Better times for you, better times for your employer. I knew just how strong a woman you are. xxx ooo
Hello again Muddie, Thank you for your kind messages. I think you have done what your heart has told you, dont have regrets,there will I am sure be another time in your job when it is right for you. I can understand entirely about the descision you have made, I would be exactly the same, knowing me, I would be thinking about a young child, and the long journey to and fro every day. You have been considered for the post dear Muddie, and that at least tells you how wonderful you are at your job, and how you are valued by your peers. Yes, Reepham does have an Old Railway Station that sells gorgeous stuff, and they have a little Restaurant. My husband is not a very well man of which I wont go into details now, and I have found it difficult sometimes on meeting up with friends, but of course I would love to meet you. I send you my warmest wishes dear Muddie. Camilla.xx
Hi again, Muddie - thanks for your message (blackcurrant jam is one of my favourites!). I'm pleased to hear you have come to a decision - it must have been difficult, but it sounds to me as though it's the right one for you, right now. Very good luck with it all - I do hope things work out as you hope with the Team Leader role. Your colleagues obviously admire you very much.
19 comments:
Aaaaaargh - that's what I say. Totlly understand your confusion - still, how nice to be appreciated and put forward! Remember that! I think I would discuss the work/life balance issues with them and see if there is a way that the role could be accomodated with flexible working patterns. After all, they know your personal circumstances and about your recent health worries. If it's a resounding 'no', then my instinct says to think about the team leaders role, which sounds interesting, but ONLY if you think you would have no regrets about turning down this opportunity - they don't come along very often and you don't want to look back and think 'if only I'd given it a go'. So frustrating - things never come along at the right time, or with the exact right conditions attached! Good luck with your decision.
Oooh Aaaah Muddy this is a sticky one. As Suffolkmum says sounds like a great opportunity BUT
I think you should do a pros and cons list and discuss it with th family. I get the feeling from your blogs that you get your work satisfaction from the interaction with your clients. Would you lose this with the promotion and just turn into a paper pusher? I expect the money's good but would you be too tired to really enjoy it? And of course there's Lucy and Stan and the house and pets.
I don't envy you the decision and I hope this has been a help. {Probably not} Toady
Give it a few days. Step back from it, consider all angles, you know how much you yourself can take on. Dont go beyond that. hope it all goes well.
Firstly Elaine-that is BRILLIANTT news and whatever happens you should be proud and pleased with yourself that your efforts and abilities have been recognised.
Secondly, they wouldn't have asked you if they didn't think you could do it. There seems to be a lot of people rooting for you.
I have to say, my heart would say to you "GO FOR IT Elaine, you can do anything you want to, this is your time now, the girls are all (fairly) independent and if you want it then go for it"
My head tells me that you should do exactly what Elizabthd says; "STOP, pause, and take a step back..."
You have until Monday. You don't need to be even thinking of really deciding the way forward until Saturday. Give yourself some time to think.
This would be a big commitment. Only you REALLY know whether physically you are up to this. It may be this is just what you need to throw yourself into and give you a new challenge.
Or maybe at your stage in life, you want to have a quiet life and do the nice things-maybe your illness has made you see that there is more to life.
I see this from all sides Elaine, as someone who has been driven into the ground by a career in the past! And then on the flip side, there is nothing matters more than family and health.
Let's face it, no-one looks back on their death bed and says "I wish I had worked harder..."
Sorry to pass it back; you can consider your families opinions and our thoughts, but it HAS to be your decision. Think of it from all angles.
Maybe ask the same question on Saturday? But by then you may have all the answers yourself...
Good luck Muddie
warm wishes
xx
My gut reaction? Go for your gut reaction.
I feel from your words that you probably feel the same as me, that you should go for the team leader post. You know I have been through similar problems as you; I am some years ahead of you and think you should not over-burden yourself. That is just my opinion though. I also think the new post may be more money but not as rewarding. Paper-pushing is not rewarding which makes it just stress-enforcing.
I had a similar problem last year when I was encouraged to go for a full time nursing post in a cancer care day centre, a wonderful job but I had to be strong and look at it logically. It was full-time unlike my also much-loved library post which is part-time. So I turned it down. I realise now I did the right thing as I know the previous post holder who loved the job but was totally stressed out.
But I would say the same even if you had not had health problems, don't think that is why I am saying I would not go for the top job. It just makes you realise what really matters in life doesn't it? I have a friend of our age who has been through what we have who still works full-time in a demanding job, is constantly exhausted,always going down with something and more than that she is a brilliant writer/[poet and is wasting her talent.
Good luck, whatever you decide is up to you, I hope we are of help in our thoughts.
Caitx
Hello from New York, Elaine,
Is it not wonderful to have been given the power of choice? I think of what you have been facing and dealing with this year (since we have been acquaintances.) I so admire your strength, and your way of dealing with changes over which you do not have control.
This is why it is good to be able to choose. Sometimes, I feel that reacting to what is thrust upon me is easier that making my own wishes known. Somewhere I remember hearing this called the "tyranny of choice."
It is so wonderful that you do continue your recovery of your strength. It is wonderful that you can be so supportive to your truly beautiful daughter in Spain.
Without going into an even longer list, I do want to say that clearly you are not just the average woman in the street/crowd/wherever. You are quite a strong, unique person.
Now...from all the blogs that I have written both here and way back There, you well know that I have all sorts of work-aholic tendencies, though I would deny them to all. I need to support myself, with any recourse to other means, and always think of basic survival above all, when making career/life balance decisions.
I do like the responsibility in my manager job, but truthfully know that if I had a family, with its obligations, I could not hold my job. (I have felt the same in my prior careers, but even more strongly now.)
I work for a company that is devoted in its philosophy to a spendid work/life balance, but in the real life that I live, it is heavily tilted to the work.
Enough about me. Except to say that the more insight that I have into how folks are chosen to fill available positions, it is clear to me that there are not so very many qualified and WILLING applicants. So...my almost final comment is ... if you think that you want and could handle the new position, please go right ahead. If you have doubts, and do not HAVE to go for the new position, wait it out.
If they like you know, and you know who they are, they will like you (and perhaps even respect you more) if you respectfully decline the kind invitation to ... something that does not quiet suit you now. Remember, sweet Elaine, that you are the one writing your own script.
Did this sound horrible. Hope not, because I am still a pretty positive thinking person. But I do know how organizations, even well meaning organizations, can take advantage of talent.
xxx ooo
Wow Muddy! What a wonderful signal of the appreciation there is for you and your work. Like the others I say "think about it, weight the pros and cons, and go with your gut".
A year ago I was asked to take on a position of much more responsibility - more money, more travel and more time committment. There are days when I really wish for a return to my former situation. I didn't need to prove anything by taking the new post - I knew that THEY knew that I could do it. I miss my 'down time' and peace of mind. When this contract is up I intend to step back and make my personal life the pivot again.
Me again - just wanted to say that we are all on our own wells because there is no piped water. We have two wells - one for the house and one for the garden and animals. When we lose power we also lose water as our pumps are powered by electricity.
Dear Elaine - sound advice from everyone (well, what else could you expect from such a great bunch?). If it were me: I would be as proud as punch to be asked; I wouldn't jump straight in - sleepless nights prescribed for at least four nights; do I need the extra money MORE than time with my family?; would I LOSE any enjoyment from my job?; what would I have to SACRIFICE to do it?; what would I GAIN from doing it?; would I be HAPPIER?; will it affect my health/doctor/hospital checkups?; and finally the work/life balance thing is such a fine line and juggling act, my own personal experience of giving up work completely has opened up other areas of my life to me, that I wouldn't have considered before. You say you love your job NOW - will you love the new one as much? Extra responsibility is just that - a responsibility. Do you thrive on that or do you enjoy doing what you do then switching off for time at home, without a second thought? Such a lot to think about Muddie........ follow your heart. Life is for living to the full, as if each day were your last. When you can identify what makes you truly happy to your heart, you will be able to make the decision. Good luck, whatever you decide. All your friends here are proud of you.xx
Hi - I am sorry - not well enough to read tyour blog as the screen hurts my eyes but just to say a big thank you for your kind thoughts xxx
Well, you must be very good at your job to have been put forward by so many people, so give yourself a big pat on the back (and a congratulatory glass of wine or two!) It does sound like a great opportunity, however, you must look into your heart and listen to what it is telling you. Sooo difficult - I don't envy you this decision, but look to the positive - you wouldn't be in this position if you weren't a success at what you do.
Best of luck with it, and let us know what you decide.
Hello dear Muddie,
Difficult one this, but wonderful that you have been considered for Deputy Director position. Probabably will be more responsibility, and I am sure you are capable of that Muddie. As SM says, I think it would be a good idea to discuss with them the work/life balance issues, to see if they can help with more flexible working patterns. The very best of luck with whatever you decide Muddie, if you decide not to take up this post, perhaps the Team Leaders role would suit, hope all goes well Muddie.
Camilla.xx
Well done you for being offered it in the first place!
But think carefully because your health and family must come top of your list of priorities. If my dealings with social services are anything to go by (I blogged about it a couple of days ago)it will be a highly stressful job.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Rather late in finding your blog sorry.
Right - well - what do you want.
Now is the time - you have been given a new lease of life so it is what you want/need.
Can you manage this new job etc with your health at present - do you want extra pressure do you think. Only you know in your heart how much you can put into this at the present time. Wjat do the family think - will you be away more.
All the old arguments I guess - what does him indoors say.
You have a choice Muddie - a choice - will there be ill feeling if you leap above someone else - will you feel cheated if you give it away!
Dont make a quick decision - do you have much time to decide - do you want the hassle. Health is everything remember. love mousie
Coming in late to this debate and you've lots of good advice. Mine, for what it's worth, is to step back, take a deep breath andlook deep inside for the small voice that is telling you what you should do.
I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle. I wish him and his family strength and love. The Princess Alice was based at Leatherhead Cottage hospital when Dad was there. The building was old and basic but the staff and everyone involved with the hospice could not have done more for Dad or for us. Thank you for your comments. CX
Hi Muddie - me again - just found your comment. I think you will have made the right decision - right job - wrong time I think - thats a lot of driving and still early days with your op and things really.
You still have the weekend to think things through again - I think you already know really what you need to do. love mousie.
PS Have got over the trauma of the day! Always something to worry about!
Good Friday evening to you Elaine,
Your decision sounds so wise to me.
You are gonna have lots more invitations, and what is more, they will come at better times. Better times for you, better times for your employer.
I knew just how strong a woman you are.
xxx ooo
Hello again Muddie,
Thank you for your kind messages.
I think you have done what your heart has told you, dont have regrets,there will I am sure be another time in your job when it is right for you. I can understand entirely about the descision you have made, I would be exactly the same, knowing me, I would be thinking about a young child, and the long journey to and fro every day. You have been considered for the post dear Muddie, and that at least tells you how wonderful you are at your job, and how you are valued by your peers. Yes, Reepham does have an Old Railway Station that sells gorgeous stuff, and they have a little Restaurant. My husband is not a very well man of which I wont go into details now, and I have found it difficult sometimes on meeting up with friends, but of course I would love to meet you. I send you my warmest wishes dear Muddie.
Camilla.xx
Hi again, Muddie - thanks for your message (blackcurrant jam is one of my favourites!). I'm pleased to hear you have come to a decision - it must have been difficult, but it sounds to me as though it's the right one for you, right now. Very good luck with it all - I do hope things work out as you hope with the Team Leader role. Your colleagues obviously admire you very much.
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