The return of our visitors.

When we first moved to this house 6 years ago we didn't realise that we would have to welcome unexpected visitors , who would arrive without warning and demand to stay and require regular feeding and a place to bathe.

The first Spring 3 visitors arrived, suddenly out of the blue they decended on us and waited by the back door until we greeted them and provided food and fresh water. Being a good christian I couldn't turn them away!

They were an unruly lot, 2 males and one female, like teenagers they chased around the garden, the boys trying to get the girl's attention, squabbling and fighting over her, but she was quite aloaf and seemed amused by their displays.

After having their fill of good food and a good bath they would leave again, but returned the next day and the next...........................

Then suddenly they came no more, they left no forwarding address and didn't say "Goodbye". Each afternoon I 'd stand by the back door and watch for them, but they didn't come.

Over the long cold winters our visitors never appeared but once the Spring arrived so would they. Year after year they come back to see us. However, there are only two now, they have married and the best man won.

I look forward to their return, and this year I was so pleased to see them, as last year I feared that Beth had frightened them away, she has such a loud bark and every time they tried to come into the garden she would try to chase them. This time I'm keeping her safely inside.

It was so funny yesterday Our visitors made an impromptu visit, they almost over shot the garden, the landing was a nose dive and a crumbled mess on the grass, but they quickly righted themselves and checked no one had seen bad landing, and waddled up to the door to ask for food again.

Yes, of course our visitors are a pair of wild Mallards!!

Sultana Slab cake

This is a recipe which I posted on the "dark side" some weeks ago and due to popular demand, brownmouse & un peu loufoque, I am posting it here again.
If you've not already tried it, do , it's a great cake for filling up hungry men and children and goes well with custard too!

12oz-1lb sultanas
3 eggs
12oz sugar , this can be caster or soft brown
2 tsp almond essence
8oz butter/marg
12oz plain flour + 2tsp baking power (or 12oz self raising)

Place fruit in pan and cover with water, bring to boil and simmer for 15mins
Mix sugar, eggs & essence in large bowl,
drain Sultanas and put butter in saucepan with them, put back on heat until butter melted.
Remove from heat and add to egg mixture, stir well
Add flour and pour into greased baking tray (8"x 12"ish)

Bake in oven on gas 3 or 150C for 45 mins

Happy cooking,

As an alternative I sometimes make it into a Chocolate Fudge brownie type cake, instead of sultanas I add 2 mars bars to melted butter and 2 table spoons of cocoa powder in place of some of the flour, using same priciples, works well too!

Elaine

Reflections

Having spent the week living in the past, it's quite hard to bring myself back into the present. Stirring up all those memories has been quite unsettling and I feel rather restless. But I'm glad wrote the stories.

I always used to keep a Diary, I started when I was about 12, I'd ask to a big Day to a page diary for Christmas every year and I'd often be sitting in my room of an evening writing in it. They are still up in my parents loft, I got them down once and started reading them, they sounded so corny now as an adult but they were full of teenage angst and very true to how I was feeling at the time.

The memories I have relived this week are there in thoses old diaries , but in much more anguished terms, I'd pour my heart out to my diary, and I guess I have done so this week but hopfully in a more controlled way.

Now it's time to get back to normal, I'm due to go back to work again on Wednesday, I'm looking forward to it, but it will mean I'll have less time to sit reading and writing blogs, but I'll pop in and see everyone at least once a day i hope, I've been terible these past few weeks been on the computer for hours, don't know where the time goes!

Life is changing, it's very starnge not having Sophie here, but Evie popped home yesterday though it was only brief as she worked last night and this morning and has now gone off to her Uni Ball.

Thanks for all your comments and messages, I really enjoyed reading what you all had to say.

PS The rabbit is a reminder of all the baby rabbits that are in my garden, every time I look out of the window I see several of them, nibbling my plants, but the dtrongest survive, my Broom and French Lavendar that they nibbled last year has come back with avengence, so I don't worry too much!

Warm wishes

Muddie X

"All of my heart." Part 3 Sam

Reprise:

"Once upon a time

I was falling in love,

Now I'm just falling apart,

Nothing I can do

Total eclipse of the heart"

Sam & I were so in love, I felt I was living in a dream, and when I look back on those heady days I can still feel the intensity and it was probably the most intense, exciting time of my life, but it was filled with anguish too. I was 21 and looking for commitment and long term love, Sam was only 17, I was his first love and he was finding it hard to be everything I needed of him. He still wanted to be out with the boys, playing at being an airman, and spending solitary time with his bike.

Even my Mum could see this and she wrote me a letter when I was still in Uni, saying how much she liked Sam but not to expect too much from him, I suppose I knew what she meant but it's hard to act on.

After my finals Sam came up to Manchester and we spent a most intense and wonderful week together, it was such fun, staying in bed all day and playing house! Then we had to pack up all my things and I hired a van which I drove back to Norfolk in, Sam became very quiet on that journey home. And that seemed to be a kind of turning point, when things were never quite the same again.

Back at home in Norfolk, I found myself alone quite a lot, Sam didn't come round every day and if he did it was often very late and not for long. I found myself getting very cross with him, so we'd end up arguing and upsetting each other. There were good times too, like the night we went out in the motor cruiser and anchored up in the middle of The Broad, or the night when my parents were away and he crept in through the kitchen window and slipped into bed beside me and gave me such a shock!, but they were getting few and far between, it felt like I was always the one chasing after him and that he had more important things to do.

During this summer another family arrived and took over the village shop, they had 2 daughters, Mandy and I got friendly with them, Sally & Fiona, Sally was fun to be with but told very tall stories and whenever something good was happening she'd always have some tale of disaster. Eric started going out with Sally , they got together on the night that we were celevrating Sam's 18th birthday. But they weren't to last long and I found myself spending time with sally and she planted seeds in my mind about how badly Sam was treating me and why did I stay with him. I guess she was only telling what I already knew.

I had to go up to Leeds to hunt for a flat as that was where I was going next to study. I found a tiny little bedsit at the top of an old house. So at the beginning of September I wanted to go up and take my things, Sam agreed to come too, we took my dad's little van, Sam drove most of the way, I'd been teaching him to drive over the past few months and he was very competent by then, I only had to take over on the Motorways!

Once again we had a fantastic couple of days togther and I remember commenting on the way home "That we were like an old maried couple", which i think he quite liked the idea of.

Anyway, once back home Sam was off on one of his Cadet jaunts so Sally & I decided to go away for a few days to Stratford upon Avon. We stayed in a little boarding house and there I met Jerry, a salesman, who flirted outrageously with us , it turned out his room was next to ours and in the night I heard this insistent tapping on the wall, when I peeped out of our door, there stood Jerry who beckoned me in to his room. As I'd been feeling particu;arly annoyed about Sam because of how Sally had been running him down, it seemed like a good idea to go off with Jerry. I won't go into detail, but lets just say there was some intimacy between us but not all the way. It didn't feel right.

The next morning Sally & I returned home, after a brief goodbye to Jerry, never to be seen again!

We got home on the Friday, Sam was due back on the Saturday, Sunday was my 22nd birthday.

Mandy , the gang and I had planned to go to our favourite club on the Saturday to celebrate my birthday. I was assuming that Sam would be coming, I wasn't intending on telling him anything about Jerry, it wasn't important.

Saturday evebing, the phone rings, it's Sam, he's back, he's very tired, he doesn't want to come clubbing, I'm cross and tell him so. He agrees to come over and see me, I'm beginning to see the futility of this relationship and when he does come round we tart to talk about what is going wrong, I stupidly tell him about Jerry, he's angry and upset. He says "It's best if we finish things now", it's not what i really want but I agree. We decide to go our separate ways, after all I'm off to Leeds in a day or two, he'll be joining the RAF in 6 months. I walk out to his bike and we have one last kiss,......... sorry, I'm getting all choked up, I can't see the keys for tears rolling down my face, tissues please! He tells me he loves me but this is for the best, As he rode away the tears just fell down my face.

I had to pull myself together as the girls were coming round and we were going clubbing, I couldn't let them down.

They arrive and realise what has happened, we agree to go anyway, We jump in the car and Mandy has on ABC, suddenly the following song comes on

"Once upon a time when we were friends

I gave you my heart. the story ends No happy ever after, now were friends Wish upon a star if that might help The stars collide if you decide Wish upon a star if that might help What’s it like to have loved and to lose her touch? What’s it like to have loved and to lose that much? Well I hope and I prayThat maybe somedayYou’ll walk in the room with my heart

Add and subtract But as a matter of fact Now that you’re gone I still want you back RememberingSurrenderingRemembering that part All of my heart

But I hope and I prayThat maybe somedayYou’ll walk in the room with my heart Add and subtractBut as a matter of factNow that you’re gone I still want you backRememberingSurrenderingThe kindest cut’s the cruellest partAll of my heartYes I hope and I prayThat maybe somedayYou’ll walk in the room with my heartAnd I shrug and I sayThat maybe todayYou’ll come home soon SurrenderingRememberingSurrendering that part-all of my heart All of my heart"

Those words just sent arrows into my heart and I just started to cry and cry and cry.

I got through the evening, but spent the next day crying on and off, I went with a friend to the cinema, it was my birthday but what a horrible birthday. I'd ruined everything. A year ago, it had all begun and now it was in tatters.

Whilst I was out Sam came round and left my birthday present. It was a cute biscuit caddy and he had painted on the bottom, "All my love forever, Sam XXX" .

Iam ashamed to say I then chased round the villages trying to find him and eventually caught up with him at his brothers, he tried to escape with out seeing me, it all became quite farsicle. In the end he agreed to come and see me to talk the next evening.

Which he did, we agreed in the end that it was best to leave things as they were but that we'd see how we felt in a few months time.

It felt like the end of the world, but in actual fact, the world is still spinning and we have remained intouch all these years, I guess there was a quiet period for a year, but then we started writing to each other again, he had a new girl friend, then I met Stan, he finished with his girlfriend around time of my sister 's 21, she had a party, I was there with Stan, Sam was there too. Stan doesn't dance but Sam asked me to dance with him.......................There we were back where we'd started, the intensity of feelings was still there, I just melted into his arms. Later as we were all getting ready to go, he kissed me and I was in turmoil. Stan knew but said nothing. But for months after that I didn't know what to do, whether to leave Stan and go back to Sam, but it was too complicated , house wise, job wise and Sam was miles away in the RAF.

Sam eventually settled down with an old school friend and I married Stan, but Sam still holds a special place in my heart and was the "Love of my life".................

Total Eclipse of the heart

Having received the letter from Sam I was all of a dither, What should I do? I had told no one of my close encounter except my sister and she was all for it, but I knew mandy would think me totally out of my mind . The Easter holiday was fast approaching and a dance was happening that the gang was planning on going to.

So come the end of term I got the train home to Norwich and looked forward to a fun holiday. I had no further contact from Sam. The evening of the dance, this one was a bit more up market , not in the old village hall but in a local hotel. My sister, her boyfriend and I went along and there met Mandy , her boyfriend and the Three Muskateers!

In the cold light of day Sam looked so very young and I was shocked at how my feelings had altered, that yearning I'd had all those weeks whilst away in manchester just disappeared. I couldn't do this, it was all wrong and I'd make a fool of myself, so for most of the evening I avoided contact with him, except when we were all dancing togther on the floor, then every now and then I'd catch him watching me and his face would break in to a gorgeous smile and I could feel my cheeks going pink with embarrassment. Towards the end of the evening he asked me to dance , which I did and we chatted and laughed, he had such a great sense of humour you couldn't help but become enthralled by his chatter. But because I didn't want to alert mandy to any gossip we kept our distance and we parted at the end of the evening as friends but nothing more.

I returned to Uni and through myself in to all sorts of activities , so much so that i even spent half of the summer holidays in Manchester working on a Mencap Playscheme, with one of my student friends. During this time I began I brief relationship with Steve, another helper on the scheme, he was sweet and attentive but I really had no strong feelings for him, but it filled a gap, I kept trying to make myself fall in love twith him, but it wasn't there, he started getting too intense and wanted me to meet his mum , EEKK!! I came back home to Norfolk and carried on the pretense that I was "in love", ringing him each day, pretending i was missing him, but it was no good, it wasn't true, so by September I had to tell him we were through. He didn't take it very easily and still kept ringing me.

It was on the evening after I'd phoned him i was wandering aimlessly around the village when Sam roared up on his little Motor bike, he stopped and we got talking. Then he said he was off to Eric's to do some work on their bikes and did I want to come, So I jumped on the back of the bike (Yes, I know 'elf and safety wouldn't allow it) and we zoomed off to Eric's. In a sense spending an evening watching two lads playing with their bikes isn't much fun, but it was the company I needed, and it gave me a huge buzz. Sam took me home again on the back of his bike , and it felt kind of special.

The following week was my 21st birthday and a group of us had arrnged to go clubbing in Norwich. To my surprize, Mandy brought the three Muskateers with her. Sam handed me a card and a present, It was a beautiful little necklace , which i still have and a corny card for a 1 year old, I still have that too, in it he'd written "Happy 21st, I'll see you at 42". I was so touched . It was a fantastic evening and Sam & I danced together, well I danced with all of them in tirn, but it meant most with Sam and we had the last slow dance togather and he kissed me just briefly and then it was over and we all came home. I rushed back to Manchester so didn't see Sam again for some while.

Just to add another dimension to the story, during the summer another young man had been paying me attention, my mum's headteachers' son, Tony, he was a lovely person but I didn't fancy him at all, but we occasionally met for a drink or for lunch, trouble is I think he had stronger feelings for me,andin september he went off to Canada for a long holiday and whilst he was away he wrote to me. He invited me to go to The College Christams party, and I agreed to go.

Meanwhile, My friend Linda, the one who went out with my ex from the other story, was getting engaged to her new man and she was having a party in the November, which meant I had to come back home for a weekend specially for it. I wanted ot have someone to go with and I contacted Sam and asked him to come with me. Much to my delight he said "Yes."

The party was quite a distance away, so i took my mum's car and we stayed over night, all above board, girls indoors and boys were in a caravan. It was a weird weekend, Sam and I sort of thrown together and the intimacey grew and by the time we went home we realised we wanted to be together, but I still was having reservations .

Back to Manchester, another brief fling to try to throw Sam out of my system, but it didn't work, I wanted to see him so much.

Back to Norfolk for Christams, the College Party I'd forgotten all aboit it and the fact i'd agreed to go with Steve, trouble was this was Sam's college too. Steve and I travelled by coach and arrived at the party, it was all dark and we felt our way through to the tables and sat down, suddenly i spotted Sam, he walked across the floor and spotted me, my heart lurched, he came over and asked me to dance, I fell stupidly into his arms and just hugged him, so hard, I think he had to hold me up I was in such a state. He kissed me and I just knew, he was the one.

Steve is watching all this and is fuming, when i go back to the table he is quite angry, I can't remember exactly what happened, there was a bit of scuffle with him and Sam, but neither are fighters so they calmed down and I talked it through with Steve, he was not happy, but we got through the rest of the evening.

This is quite difficult for me to write as I am getting quite emotional, but That point at the Party was the real turning point, when Sam and I both knew we couldn't hide our feelings anymore and we "came out" as a couple, most people were ok about, though I did get a few calls of cradle snatcher. Mandy just thought I was mad, and humoured me.

My Sister and I had another Christmas Party as our parents were away and this year was the most stupendous of all parties, Sam and I were able to be together in the truest sense of the words and it was just amazing.

As our relationship grew we were togeter more and more, though he had a habit of disappearing for days during boy things in the Cadets, he later joined the RAF and is always away somewhere. But I was still at manhester for the terms and finals were coming up, I wasn't coping very well and when I was away I missed sam so much, after the Easter break I went back to Uni to revise, but I just couldn't settle I needed to be with Sam, so I came home again, and it was the only way i could cope with revision. We'd go clubbing and Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the heart had just come out and it became our song.

There was "Nothing I could do , Total eclipse of the heart". Turn the music up loud and lets all sing at the top of our voices!

I'd like to say "and Reader I married him", but that was not to be.............I'll continue tomorrow

Waiting for a girl like you!

Foreigner’s “Waiting for a girl like you!” is the song that reminds me of a very special person, in fact most of my other memorable songs are connected to him to, so I will tell you the beginning of the story now and it may take a few days to complete.

Those of you who read my 3 part story of Tom & Mandy which I wrote on the “other side” before my op, will have already have been introduced to my friend Mandy.

Mandy has a younger brother, Eric. Eric had 2 very good friends, then tended to be known as the Three Muskateers, as they were always together and always getting into scrapes. All for one and one for all, that sort of thing! Eric’s friends were Sam and Bob.

Eric , Sam and Bob were 4 years younger than Mandy and I, the same age as my sister Amy, so really they were her friends. When they were very young I thought nothing about them at all, except they were annoying little boys, after all when I was 16 they were 12!

However, when I was 20 and they were 16 things changed. If anything I’d been mildly attracted to Eric, he was the cute one with black hair and dark brown eyes, a look I tend to go for and I did have the odd day dream about us being together, but you could have knocked me down with a feather when I think about what actually happened.

It was Christmas 1981, Amy decided to she wanted a Party, and as I had been away at Uni, it was down to her to organise and it was mostly her friends, including Eric, Bob and Sam.

As the evening got underway and drink was flowing, I found myself sitting in the hallway chatting with Sam, I’d not really had so much as a word with him before but we just talked and talked and it felt so natural and I began to feel very comfortable in his presence and when we kissed it seemed like the most natural thing in the world, we just melted into one another. Meanwhile , the party was starting to break up and every one was going, we wandered back into the living room and found it desserted apart from Amy and her boyfriend, soon they went up to bed, leaving just Sam and I.

We just sat on the floor and played lots of records and suddenly Foreigner’s “Waiting for a girl like you” came on and Sam , just whispered “You’re just what I was waiting for” and kissed me again.

The moment was broken by my dad shouting down the stairs, “The party’s over, turn that music off and anyone left go home!”

The next day, I was a be shell shocked , what was I doing kissing someone so young, what would every one say, I’d be a laughing stock, But I liked him , he gave me such a lovely feeling inside, all warm and fuzzy. That day I had to go out to see a friend several miles away so I was gone all day, but when I got back, Mum said I’d had a visitor. Sam had been round on his Motorbike and asked if I was in and when he found I wasn’t , he asked about borrowing some records.

I didn’t see him again for sometime, as I went back to Uni, but back there in Manchester I was so restless, I couldn’t study all I could do was think about Sam, but I didn’t know how to contact him, he had no phone and I didn’t know his address, but I knew where the house was. I couldn’t ask Mandy because I was worried about her reaction , after all Sam was her kid brothers friend not someone you’d be interested in romantically!

After a couple of weeks I could bear it no more, I decided I had to make contact somehow. I found a post card, it had a horse on the front and I can’t remember exactly what I wrote, but the giste was “ I don’t know if you want to speak to me again, but this is my address if would like to write to me.” I made a guess at the addrees, White cottage, on the corner, Village name…………….I posted it and waited.

A few days later I got a letter back! I was over joyed, he told me how much he’d wanted to see me again and asked when I was coming home again, he asked if I’d be home at Easter and if we could go to the dance together. The idea of seeing him, excited me, but I was also petrified, this just didn’t seem right, he was too young. I was conscious that friends would laugh at me.

Tomorrow I’ll give you “Total Eclipse of the heart”

Will You?

Hazel O'Connor's "Will You?" brings back memories that lasted for several years of the childhood crush that could have developed into a grown up relationship, but didn't quite make it.

I will just write some of the lyrics in case you are not familiar with the song, I know them by heart.

• You drink your coffee
• and I sip my tea and
• we're sitting here playing it cool
• thinking what will be will be
• It's getting kind of late now
• I wonder if you'll stay now
• Stay Now
• or Will you just politely say "goodnight"
• I move a little closer to you
• Not knowing quite what to do
• and I'm feeling all fingers and thumbs
• I spill my tea , Oh silly me!
• And then we touch much to much
• The moment has been waiting for
• a long long time,
• your shiver makes me quiver
• This moment I'm am so unsure
• This moment I've been waiting for......

Jamie was the "new kid in town", he caused quite a stir amoung us young girls when we were about 10/11! He was one year older. He arrived from Canada, very exotic for Norfolk people. His dad was a farmer , and sadly his mum had died leaving him alone so he was brought over the England to live with his dad and grandad. He was very handsome and sight of him sent a visible buzz round the village. " Jamie's been seen out on his bike" so we'd all go out on our bikes to try and spot him.

I was the lucky one as he lived at the end of my lane, and came past my house regularly. I soon developed a huge crush on him and spent many of my waking hours day dreaming about him. But he was quite elusive and as he didn't go to our school there was no opportunity to talk to him, so I just worshipped him from afar!

When I started secondary school 1973, my opportunity to see him more was greatly enhanced, as he travelled on the same bus in the after noon, he went on a later bus in the morning, as he only went to Wroxham and I had to get to Norwich. But we had to bike the 2 miles to and from the bus stop. Every afternoon, I would rush out of school to get the early bus in the hope of being able to see him and perhaps get to talk to him and ride our bikes home together, but he was terribly shy and although he'd mumble "Hi" as we got off the bus, he'd rush and grab his bike and be off at a race of knots so me and my friend couldn't catch up and of course I couldn't tell my friend I had a crush on him, it was too embarrassing, so she saw no need to rush and used to say snidy remarks about him!

This crush continued for a further 3 years, when we had a New Youth Club open in the village, things started to develop, I got myself on the committee and so did Jamie, and suddenly we found ourselves doing things together, he'd call for me to bike to a committee meeting and we'd talk quite a lot, but he never asked me out. I was getting really frustrated. In the end I was taking to a girl friend and she asked me if I really liked Jamie and if I'd go out with him, and I admitted I would and asked for her help. Jamie was her brother's best friend, so she saw him at her house all the time. There was a Youth Club disco coming up soon and so we agreed that she would find out if he would go out with me, it turned out he said "YES"! So come the night of the disco, I was so nervous and confused and so was he, we skirted around each other, but in the end I grabbed him to dance, this was to Dr Hook's "A Little bit More!" which became our theme tune, in a sense. After such a shy start I was quite surprized by the intensity at which he kissed me . At last after all those years of worshipping from afar I got my "boy"! For a few weeks we were together evcry day, it was winter time so once we'd ridden our bikes home we'd stand outside my house in the dark kissing until my mum would come out and tell us off and invite him in! But it didn't last having wanted him for so long, it was a bit boring to have achievd my goal, so after a couple of months I finished with him. I'm so fickle! The I regretted it and wanted to have him back, but he'd moved on by then......................

...............................................................................................

Jump ahead to 1981 . I'm at University but coming home for the summer, my friend, who helped me all those years ago to "Go out with" Jamie, is getting married, she invites me +1 to the wedding. I do not have a significant other at the time and I know that Jamie has split from his long erm fiancee, I also know that Jamie is planning on going back to Canada. I desperatley want to see him before he goes. So the invite is a good excuse to ring him. He is still living in the house at the end of the lane, by now he is living there alone as his dad has remarried and gone back to Canada.

I pick up the phone with huge tredidation, my hand shakes as I dial the number , he answers, my throat dries up and I can hardly speak. I stumble over my words but just manage to get out who I am and ask him if he'd come to the wedding with me. To my huge suerprize he accepts! He then invites me to come up to thre house sometime, we don't make a definite arrangement but he says he'll call for me as he's passing one evening. I know his car noise of by heart as he drives past hurtling down the lane with engine roaring. He drives an old battered Ford Cortina, in Bright Yellow, you can't miss it!

One evening I'm sitting in my room when I hear the car, this time it doesn't roar past but stops, then I hear the tinkle of stones on the bedroom window, just like he used to do when we were kids and he wanted to see me.

I ran down and found him in the lane, he opened the door of the car and I jumped in, I wasn't sure quite what i was doing, but I was very excited.

We got to his house and he showed me in , it was so weird, I'd never been in the house before, but it has a strong connection for me, as this is the very house where my dad was born.

We talk and laugh and he makes me a cup of tea and he has coffee, this is where the song comes in, almost word for word happened to us that evening, I do spill my tea , I bruised my elbow of his sofa as we touch too much, but in the end I ask to be taken home. And we "politely say Good night". It's difficult to explain why I stopped , but it didn't seem right , and oh how i regretted not staying. He didn't ask me again, but we did go to the wedding together. And a few months later he called in to say he was off to Canada, we hugged "goodbye", and I've never seen or heard from him again.